I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
