how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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