but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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