i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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