Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
