Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
