I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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