Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
