I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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