JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
