everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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