I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
