My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Michael Bay diarrhea
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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