Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Acid is not a monday night drug
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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