Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
