Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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