The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
