i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
