Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
