I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
