We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Randomize
