You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
