VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
