"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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