1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
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