Tell her she can't have a vagina
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
