you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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