sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Those nachos came to me in a dream
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
