That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I have fence marks all over my body
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
