yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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