I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
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