how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
