I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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