3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
P.S. I can't hear my feet
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
