i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
