I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
It's rum buckets o'clock
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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