so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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