so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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