i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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