I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
We need to rekindle our bromance
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Randomize
