one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize