Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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