dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You did what with his pubic hair?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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