4 words: hood of his car
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
