I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
