For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I have tasted many bathrooms
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
