Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
