I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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