my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
