hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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