I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Randomize
