woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
