Ok let me ask a question, does aderall make women less apt to have sex?
Cause it just destroys penises
Was that inappropriate? I can't gauge these things anymore
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
