and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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