We're facebook friends in real life
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize