there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
He better not be in your backpack
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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