remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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