If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
