I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
