I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
