She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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