I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
