well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
