Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
