It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
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