lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
