Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize