His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
