BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
