we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
