I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
He better not be in your backpack
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize