U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
