that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
