I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
