Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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