Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
