if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Are we still banned from the library?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
