God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize