I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
