That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
