Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize