If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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