I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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