I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
