Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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