your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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